![]() If you work as a GrubHub driver, you get an all-electric BMW and a fat motherfucking tip. If you have to help your aging parents clean out their garage, your therapist gives you six months of free sessions. If you agree to go camping, the trip gets canceled due to rain. ![]() If your child yells I hate you because you mentioned the existence of math homework, your dad calls to tell you how proud he is of your life choices, even your decision to buy a used car from the dealership. If the vet bill costs more than a new refrigerator, you see on Facebook that your high school rival never amounted to anything. If your spouse says, “I feel like you’re not hearing my needs,” you get trapped overnight in a bookstore that also sells exceptionally fluffy pillows. ![]() If your daughter’s second-grade boyfriend tells her she looks better without bangs, that little fucker only gets educational wooden toys for Christmas. If you throw a birthday party with a bouncy castle for twenty first graders, you get a party too. If your toddler wakes up at 4am and wants to watch Cocomelon, you meet a grad student who loves babysitting, just took a CPR class, and has a schedule as open as the prairie. If your lower back hurts, you suddenly understand cryptocurrency without ever having to learn or think about it. If you make an unpleasant phone call, you get a massage with no small talk. If “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” gets stuck in your head, that’s okay, because it’s a great song. If your baby is teething, three people say they envy your sense of style. If your boss sends you a passive aggressive email, you find parking right in front. ![]() If you get a root canal, a GrubHub gift card appears in your inbox. By Cheryl Klein 0 The Tooth Fairy for Grownups ![]()
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